My Fanfict

[Kym]

this will be written difforently... like a chat....

anna: Kym!!! its YOUR turn to make breakfast.....and its 6:00 am.... and im hungry..... exactly WHEN are you making breakfast?!
Kym: (still in bed) man i thought sence your my sister you would keep it easy on me.....im tired..... 5 more minutes.....
anna: hmmm what if i told you ren was hungry to......?.........
Kym: then i would get up and feed you people.......
anna: oh your boyfriend is starving... he hasnt eaten in days ((thinks: this will get her up....im hungry ))
kym: IM WAKING UP!!!!!!! ILL FEED YOU REN!!!!!!!! *runs out twaRD THE KITCHEN AND EMEEDIANTLY STARTS MAKING EGGS AND TOAST AND SAUSAGE AND BACKON*
anna: about time
Ren: anna realy..... im not hungry....
anna: SHUT UP!!!!!! *smacks him* yes....you are
kym: *runs out and puts foo on the table* DIG IN!!!!!!!!
Ren: glad to..... and anna....... she isnt my girl friend *grabs some eggs and some backon and toast and starts to eat*
anna: *eats*
kym: im going to go finish my new voodoo doll now.........
yoh: *walks in* FOOD!!!!!! *pigs out*
horo horo: WERE??!!!!!! *tackles some eggs*




ILL FINISH LATER!!!!!!

[RyuLover67]

That's a great start girl.I like it.I like it a lot ;D

[Jr.]

That's a great start. I can't wait to read more!!

[Kym]

continuin.........


anna: not so fast yoh.... have you ran your 100 miles yet?
yoh: 100???!!!!!!!! anna...... i thought today was my day off!!!!!!!
anna: no....thats tommorow..........
kym: NOW GO!!!!!!!!!! *pokes a voodoo doll in the butt with a needle*
yoh: OOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ren: i think ill go train as well... i dont want to get hurt........
kym: GOOD!!!!!!! ;D and ren..... i heard you earlyer saying im not your girlfriend??!!!! HELLO!!!!! your sister jun has picked me to merry you........ just like yohs family picked my sister anna for him....... so technantly... your wrong.... im your girlfriend......im getting maried to you.......
ren: whatever...... just dont do your freaky voodoo on me............
kym: ITS NOT FREAKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anna: ren I recamend leavin my sister allone before i have to hurt you! i may not protect yoh... but i will protect my sister!!!!!!!!!!!!
kym: anna its ok..... infact...... i think i want to battle ren to prove who is stronger!
ren: fine just dont cry when you loose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*they walk outside*
kym: *pulls out her ren voodoo doll*
ren: BASON!!!!!! I CALL FOR YOU! *bason comes* INTAGRATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *they intagrate*
kym: *chants a spell* synthose equanixia NYRAHQ!!!!! *her eyes turn slightly red as she chants more spells* now to control you and your bason and win in one sec! *moves doll to the right and ren moves as well* perfect!!!!!!!
ren: WHAT THE??!!!!!!!!!! BASON ATTACK!!!!!!
kym: nonono.... not so fast lil boy... *moves voodoo doll twadr the sky watching ren float up then she throws the voodoo doll to the ground watching ren drop and faint* I win.............. (make more of this later)

[Jr.]

Not to nag too much Kym but if you could space the lines a bit more it would be a lot easier to read. It just seems like it's crammed into a paragraph.

A spellchecker may not be a bad idea either.

I still like the stroy though. Making yourslef Anna's sister was a very intriguing addition. I look forward to reading more.