Need Some Assistance

[kfttjdb]

This is going to sound weird, but look who's posting it...

I need some thoughts on a problem I'm having. (well one of the problems I'm having.)

I need a polite, non-threatening way to tell a person in my life to leave me alone. This person is not getting the clue. I don't want to be mean or violent, (because I've been working on that) but I'm being pushed too far. "Leave me alone" and "Don't call me" aren't working at all. It's as if she doesn't hear me when I say it. And, I'm not overreacting; I need to be away from her. Staying is NOT an option. Does anyone have any ideas?

[Lobsterdeth]

If you don't f**king leave me alone I'm calling the cops, asshat.

[kfttjdb]

Thanks for your "well spirited" advice, Mr. Lobster. But that was exactly what I didn't want to say. However, you do bring up a good point. I know what I need to do, I just don't want to do it.

[yashaboy]

Have you tried avoiding this person or given off a feeling that you don't like her, like when she talks to you just kinda go "hmmm ya" unenthusiatically? I sorta know how you feel and the person "stalking" me has kinda started to go away a little bit. You can tell she knows, but I think the only reason why she's still hanging out with us a lot is cuz she's kinda mad at her real friends. Sorry for going into my life but maybe that might work out for you, or at least make her get the message that you don't really wanna hang out. Hope that helped! ^^;

[MetaKnight]

Hmm...

Difficult dilemma... maybe you can say nicely to that person that you don't want to be bothered with her anymore. However, if that doesn't work, I'd say politely avoid her unless you absolutely have to be in contact with her. However if that doesn't work then you amy have to be a little more stern with the person.

[kfttjdb]

I would love to do those things, but unfortunately, we're past that point. Before I moved the latest time, she stole my keys and made copies of them. So she would just be there when I would come home from work. This is a bit of a complicated situation. Part of the problem is that I'm to sympathetic towards her. We've been friends since I was five, so I always feel guilty when I want her to go away. I'm just frustrated because my life was just beginning to regain some normalcy since she's been locked up, but now that she's out, it's spiralling out of control again. I hate to sound selfish, but she's draining my energy. She's done so many things to me that I won't mention here because I feel they are extremely inappropriate given the nature of the message board. I don't even know why I made this thread. I know what I need to do. I'm in denial. The longer I refuse to face the fact that she's unhealthy for me, the worse it will become. Thank you for your advice.

[KuroiInu]

I really wish I knew how I could help Renna. Some people just can't be reasoned with, no matter how hard you try. Is it your current house that she has keys to? How close to where you are does she live? Or is it by phone that she's bothering you?

[kfttjdb]

Well it was the apartment I last moved from that she made keys to. As far as I know, she doesn't know where I currently live. Someone leaked her my new phone number, though, and it's only a matter of time before she finds my new address. I don't know where she lives now. She just popped up out of no where and commented in my LiveJournal.

[KuroiInu]

kfttjdb said:

Well it was the apartment I last moved from that she made keys to. As far as I know, she doesn't know where I currently live. Someone leaked her my new phone number, though, and it's only a matter of time before she finds my new address. I don't know where she lives now. She just popped up out of no where and commented in my LiveJournal.

As much of a hassle it may be, and as much as it may seem like a cheap way out, I think the best thing you can do is find a way to change your number, and make sure that it's unlisted. Only give it out to the people that you know you can trust not to distribute it elsewhere. If there are other people that you'll need to have phone access to but can't trust, maybe you could spring for a cell or another phone line that you're not obligated to answer? I don't know what to do about your LJ- is there any way to block it from certain users???

[kfttjdb]

Yeah, I thought I was clever in chosing my screen names (don't know how she figured it out).
Most of my Journal is Friends Only, but I do have a few entries that are public. She posted anonoymously, but I knew exactly who she was when I read her comments. My current phone number is unlisted, but a friend (who thought he had the best intentions) felt it was cruel for me not to give her my number and gave it to her without my permission. I will have to change it for the third time if she continues to call me. I don't answer my home phone much, but it has an answering machine and she leaves 10-20 messages in one sitting. It's just aggravating. Gladly, she doesn't have my cell number.

[Sayoky]

Gosh...this is serious....she is either a bit of a lunatic *knocks head* or she just wants to be your friend in an obsessive way.....I have been through this once and it was enough....i think you should sit her down, and explain her the situation....C-A-L-M-L-Y.... I'll give you a "model" of dialogue...i used it.....

" Listen [name], I don't want to be rude or mean or make you feel bad. It's just that i prefer being left alone, you know. I already have my group of friends where i fit in and I don't know if you could fit in too. We are different and please try to understan that i'm not really into friendships. I have the friends i need right now, please stop following me and calling me every day....I don't want you to hate me, but i have to tell you all this. I'm sorry but, we can't be close friends. I'm not saying we have to be enemies or strangers one to another but a "Hello!" and a hand-shake would be more than enough when we meet. Try to make friends that are like you, not as different as me....okay? I'm really sorry..."

kind of long but it works.....the longer you hide from her, the longer she'll piss you off....and if talking to her does not work, i have some other suggestions...

1. Beat the crap out of her.....
2. Go to the police
3. Move away.....
4. Kill yourself? (neaaahhh)
5. Have a surgery and change your face...XDDD

Okay...i prefer you try the dialogue first and only if it does NOT work...you can try some other things.....Hope I helped...^^

[kfttjdb]

Thanks, Sayoky, for the advice. I can't beat her up because I don't fight and she's much stronger than I am. She always overpowers me. I talked to her last night (won't go into details about that conversation) and I know there won't be a quick fix to this. Thanks again for your advice and concern.

[MetaKnight]

Yikes, sounds like this person is giving off definate "Silver Knight" vibes. I agree, the safest thing to do would be to change your phone number and, if worst comes to worst, change your locks if your current keys magically disappear again. But I agree with Sayoky's advice.

But one thing that I definately suggest is not giving any more information to the person who gave her the number in the first place. He gave her your number without your permission and without finding out the details of why you have been avoiding her.

(Sorry if I sound a bit rude... just surprised and a little worried)

Be careful.

[kfttjdb]

You weren't rude at all, MetaKnight. I thank you for your concern. I had a plan, but I can't seem to implement it because I guess I'm just an idiot. He knows her well. The three of us grew up together. He knows how sadistic she can be, but for some reason, he thinks I can change her. So he always wants me to give her another chance. Wishful thinking. I'm too tired for that. You guys are right, though you don't know the whole story. Thanks again.

[Lovely]

If she continues to harrass you even after you've repeatedly told her to stop, it may be time to get a restraining order.

Yes, it may seem extreme, but her harrasment of you is starting to sound a bit extreme as well. And yes, I think its time for you to distance yourself from the other "friend." In order to save another he believes he needs to sacrifice you? How is that fair?

(I myself don't really have RL friends anymore because I can't take drama myself... so take my ramblings with a grain of salt.)