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Post by RyuLover67 on Jan 7, 2005 21:21:51 GMT -5
I promise it won't be as long as my other one XD.Also, no dub names will be used!!*clears thorat*
Ryu's girl
It was another day as our normal crew was on their way to Patch Village.And of course Horo-Horo was complaing that he was hungry.
"Can we eat now?" complained Horo-Horo.
"No baka because 1.)We are trying to save food intill the next town and 2.)We ate three hours ago!" shouted Ren.
"You did not just call me a baka!" shouted Horo-Horo.
"Calm down guys.I know I'll tell a joke," said Chocolove.
He had his props ready and ready for the joke when Ren poked him in the nose with his Kwan doe.
"Why did you do that?!" shouted Chocolove.
"Because i never liked your jokes.They're always stupid," replied Ren.
"I'm still hungry!" complained Horo-Horo.
"Relax guys.We'll eat in 20 minutes.Ren calm down.Chocolove's jokes aren't so bad.Let's just keep walking awhile and if we come to the next town then we'll rest.Everything's gonna work out," said Yoh.
"FINE!" shouted Ren,Horo-Horo, and Chocolove.
"Thank goodness that's over with.You guys were starting to annoy the crap outta me and give me a headache.Good thing Master Yoh is so peaceful," said Ryu.But unknown to them they were being followed.Not by the Lilliy 5 mind you but another group of girls.Flying above the ground on her broomstick with her two companions,Minako heard a familair voice.
'Huh? That sounded a lot like Ryu..' thought Minako.She looked down to see where the voice was coming from and was shocked to see him.'It is him!I haven't seen him in so long,' thought Minako.Without thinking she started to fly down to where Ryu was.
"With this pace we should be in the next town in at least 30 minutes," said a dog-girl named Mickey.
"Yes but Minako went down already," pointed out a cat girl named Cassandra.She pointed down to where Minako decended.
"NANI?!" Shouted Mickey.She saw Minako going down to the earth."Ugh!Let's go get her Cassie-chan!" shouted Mickey as she and Cassandra decended to the Earth.
Meanwhile,back on the road, the three knuckle heads(i.e Horo-Horo,Chocolove and Ren.) had gotton into a new agurement about which pizza is the best,cheese,peperroni,or everything,when all of sudden a 16 year old girl jumped off her pink broomstick and into Ryu's arms and screamed,"Ryu-san!" really loud.She then hugged him tightly and said,"I missed you so much Ryu-san.I'm glad I found you again."
"Umm..Who are you and didn't you have a broomstick a sec ago?" asked Ren.The other guys were confused as well.
"Oh sorry to not introduced myself.Hiya I'm Minako Seto and I'm a cutie shamanic-witch," she said cheerfully,still cluthing Ryu."I'm also Ryu's girlfriend."
"NANI?!" screamed the guys.
Contiune soon.
OH! ANd here's my fan character bios for ya. ;D
shamankingu.proboards24.com/index.cgi?board=FanStuff&action=display&thread=1099399405
shamankingu.proboards24.com/index.cgi?board=FanStuff&thread=1099399405&action=display&start=15
Sorry I'm so lazy.Please just look for my posts.Happy reading!! ;D
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Post by Elba-cakes *coughs* on Jan 8, 2005 7:26:50 GMT -5
Here, I'll try to write helpful stuff from now on-
Things to work on from the mind of Communism:
1. Try not to write numbers as numbers, write them in word form because it makes smoother reading and looks better-IMHO
2. Cut out most/all Japenese/foriegn words, especially since there isn't a translation up. These usually look out of place in English writing, unless it's such as ciao, capiche, more common words. It's really only a very few writers who can make that look good, and it's usaually easier to just avoid it.
Other than that, I can't see any mistakes/holes.
The rest is in the clear. Smooth dialogue, proper grammer/puncuation/spelling, character introductions, etc.
Pink broomstick 0.o I think I've actually seen one before, but is it wooden handled painted pink with a strawy end or pink plastic with plastic bristles? (Yes, I am buying a broom for my mother soon, my brother swept up cat crap with the last one...)
Let them eat cake!
I've always wanted to see a RyuxOc fanfiction. Pretty rare, actually. I'm surprised he doesn't have more fans. Poor Ryu, he's almost as fanless as Marco.
Macchi....is...so...adorable!!! She's the cutest! She's just so cute! It's amazing! AWWWWWWWW!!!
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Post by RyuLover67 on Jan 8, 2005 9:33:37 GMT -5
Here, I'll try to write helpful stuff from now on- Things to work on from the mind of Communism: 1. Try not to write numbers as numbers, write them in word form because it makes smoother reading and looks better-IMHO 2. Cut out most/all Japenese/foriegn words, especially since there isn't a translation up. These usually look out of place in English writing, unless it's such as ciao, capiche, more common words. It's really only a very few writers who can make that look good, and it's usaually easier to just avoid it. Other than that, I can't see any mistakes/holes. The rest is in the clear. Smooth dialogue, proper grammer/puncuation/spelling, character introductions, etc. [/quote] Thanks for the support. [/quote] Pink broomstick 0.o I think I've actually seen one before, but is it wooden handled painted pink with a strawy end or pink plastic with plastic bristles? [/quote] It's a wooden handle painted pink and has straw bristles. [/quote] I've always wanted to see a RyuxOc fanfiction. Pretty rare, actually. I'm surprised he doesn't have more fans. Poor Ryu, he's almost as fanless as Marco. [/quote] I saw a couple of them at fanfiction.net, and there's a couple of mine too.
Marco isn't totally fanless.Most people just hate him because of Lyserg(Most Lyserg fan-girls hate his guts).But he has a lot of fans than my poor Ryu.Sniff..Why don't they like you Ryu? You're a perfect bishie to me.Guess it's easier to claim that he's yours than all the other charaters(There are too many Yoh,Hao,Horo-Horo, and Ren fan-girls out there! @_@ . |
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Post by Bluehairedhorofreak on Jan 21, 2005 0:25:44 GMT -5
wow, it was really great!
and if Ryu has less fangirls, thats just less fangirls for you to chase off!! right?
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Post by RyuLover67 on Jan 21, 2005 21:48:32 GMT -5
wow, it was really great! and if Ryu has less fangirls, thats just less fangirls for you to chase off!! right?
I think I'm going to contiue now because I have another person who likes this story.Oh well here we go!!
~~~*************************************~~~"NANI?!" shouted Horo-Horo,Chocolove,Ren and Yoh.
"Here comes that headache again..' sighed Ryu while he was being hugged by his girlfriend.
"Wait.Wait a second.Just explain yourself.Who are you?" asked Horo-Horo confused.
"Didn't I tell you?I'm Minako Seto and I'm a cutie shamanic-witch.I'm on my way to Patch Villiage with my two friends.They should be coming down right about now..."trailed off Minako as she saw her friends coming from the sky.Suddenlly everyone looked to see two new figures on their brooms sticks coming there way.
"MINAKO!!"shouted the two figures coming closer and closer to where the group stand.And they were getting too close.In fact it looked like they were going to run into them.
"OUT THE WAY!NO BRAKES! OUTTA THE WAY!!" shouted the cat-girl and the dog-girl.Suddenly the girls crashed into them.Cassandra crashed into Ren and Mickey crashed into Horo-Horo.
"Ouchie.." cried Cassandra as she layed on Ren's stomach from the crash.
"Baka! Didn't we tell you guys to move!" yelled Mickey at Horo-Horo covering her head of where she hit her head.
"Umm...They have ears and tails guys!!" shouted Chocolove.
They did notice that Minako's friends did have tails and ears.Cassandra had cat ears and a cat tail and Mickey had dog ears and a dog tail.Mickey was dressed sorta of punkish and Cassandra was dressed a little bit girlie,yet not too girlire and not preppy.
"Yeah so? Just because we have ears and tails doesn't mean anything.By the way,I'm the punk puppy Mickey," said Mickey pointing at herself.
"And I'm the pretty kitty Cassandra," said Cassandra also pointed to her chest.
"Really? So are the two friends that you said was coming after you?' asked Yoh.
"Yep.Actually, they're my creations.I made them with my magic," said Minako.Suddenly the groups' stomach growled with hunger.
"Heh.How embassing.Why don't we have lunch and I'll explain everything,then okay?Cassandra please get out the food out of the cooler?" asked Minako to Cassandra.
"What cooler?I don't see anything except those backpacks with you guys," said Ren.
Cassandra then opened her backpack and held a little thing that looked like a dollhouse cooler.She then threw it up in the air and yelled,"Grow now cooler!" and the small cooloer turned into a regular size cooler with lots of food in it.
"That cooler," said Cassandra smiling.Mickey had already speard out a blanket for them to all sit on and eat their lunch.
"This is great food!" shouted Horo-Horo happily eating two sandwichs with some riceballls that Cassandra had made to go with the groups lunch.
"Very good food.These are maybe the best riceballs I had in a while," said Ren.
"It's just yummy in the tummy!!" yelled Chocolove.
"Best meal I had in awhile," replied Yoh.
"Mina-chan,aren't you going to tell the guys about you and me and these two?" asked Ryu pointing to Mickey and Cassandra.Minako wiped off some mustard that the sandwich that Ryu was eating.He blushed a little after she wiped it and smiled.
"Oh yeah.Anyway,I get my witch magic from my mama's side and my shaman ablities from my papa's side.My mama was an English witch who lived in London and then came to Japan to see the sakura blossoms in the spring.Then she met my papa and they started dating and she ended up living in Japan and getting married to my papa.They lived with my grandparents on my papa's side in Kyoto when i was born and I trained to be a shaman with my grandparents and my papa and increase my magic powers with my mama.Then when I was 12, I moved to Funbari Hill because I had finished my training with my grandparents.It was also closer to where my magic school was that I have been going for since I was 3.It's just like a regular school except that it has magic classes in it's system and you have to have some special talents,such as be a shaman or have magic powers.I used to fly there with my mama on our broomsticks,but then I could take the train to where the school was instead of fly most days.I was the top of my class at my school and could get my degree for high school when I was at least 16 or early if I tried really hard.But for a school when everyone had the same gift or something else,I was outcast.I had barely any friends and no one talked to me often.Then one day when I was walking back from the train station to home I was ganged up on by a bunch of guys from town that were older and pervs and I didn't have my sword or anything and wasn't a great fighter.That's when Ryu saw what was going on and beat the crap outta of them.They all ran away after that.He then asked me if I was okay and I said I was fine and I started to blush a little because he was like a prince charming to me or something.Then he started walking away and I ran after him and asked him if I could get some coffee for him for saving my life.He said yeah and we got coffee and started to get to know each other well and I told him about myself and he didn't think I was a werido or anything.I gave him my number and he gave me his and then we started hanging out more and I meet his friends.Then we started dating and I felt loved and belonged," said Minako as she took a sip of her soda.
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Post by RyuLover67 on Feb 13, 2005 19:59:55 GMT -5
Err..Sorry I haven't updated I was waiting for more people to read this.I'll update now.^^;
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"Hey Minako! Just look at this cute sprirt this guy has," said Cassandra suddenly.Minako looked up expecting to hear a reaction from her story,but instead saw Mickey cuddling KoroKoro.
"This cutie is so soft and little!" cried Mickey.
"It's looks like a shojo mascot!It's skin reminds me of those candies at the bakery and those eyes are so big and cute!" cried Cassandra grabbing it from Mickey's grasp and cuddling.
"Hey you,guys! I'm telling my story and..oh my God it is cute!Gimmie!" cried Minako as she saw it and cuddle it herself.
"Give back Koro-Koro! I don't care how cute she is,just give her back! you have your own sprirts,don'tcha?" pleaded Horo-Horo.
"Yes we do,and there cute but not as cute as your's," said Cassandra.Just as she said that,a fairy sprirt appeared on her shoulder.She was dressed up like her Cassandra and had her hair in buns.She looked a little sad.
"OH!I'm sorry, Spunky.I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.Please forgive me," said Cassandra to the sprirt.The sprirt smiled at her.
"That's your sprirt,huh?Where your's?" asked Yoh as he pointed to Mickey and Minako.
"Right here,buddy," said Mickey pointing to here shoulder.Another fairy sprirt appeared on her shoulder,dressed a little like her master and she had shorter hair and wore googles,too for some reason.
"This is Punky and she fights as hard as I do!" boasted Mickey.
"And this is my.Kitsune,where did ya go?" puzzled Minako.
"I'm right here,Lady Minako," said a voice.Just then a girl in her early 20's appeared right besides Minako.She wore a pink kinnmono and her brown hair in a side ponytail with a pink ribbion.
"Ah! There you are Kitsune-chan! I'm so scatter-brain sometimes," Minako said while rubbing the back of her head in embassement.
"Oh,it's been a long time since I seen Kitsune,since we fought before the second round.She's as lovely as you are,Mina-chan," said Ryu.
"Wait a mintune.You guys fought with each other in the first round? But I thought you won all your fights,Ryu," said a puzzled Yoh.
"I'm confused even more than I was before," said Horo-Horo.
"I did.I fought Minako as my second fight," explained Ryu.
"Yeah and you forgot about me when we met up before the fight.You didn't know who I was intill I said your name,Ryu-san," said Minako pinching his cheeks.
"I said I was sorry when i forgot about you.2 years away from me can make me forgettful of my beautiful happy place," explained Ryu.
"I would have won if ya didn't kiss me and made me lose my cool!" said Minako.
"NANI?!" shouted the guys, shocked.
"You won't drop that,right?" said Ryu.
"Nope.I would have won but you kissing me makes me lose my cool," said Minako calmly.
"Why does Ryu already have a girlfriend that he's already kissed and I don't? It's not fair," sulked Horo-Horo.
"Right now we are so getting off topic.We already know that you guys have sprirts,are shaman,and that Minako is Ryu's old girlfriend.What I want to know is why the hell do those two have ears and tails like that?!" shouted Ren as his hair grew a little.
"I told you.There my creations.I made them with my magic but I had to give up some of it to create them.I guess you can I say that I made them in the complete opposite of me.Cassandra is one the best cooks that I know besides Ryu and Mickey is a tough fighter in hand to hand combat.Also I was lonely," explained Minako.
"So,why are you guys in the shaman fight anyways?" asked Chocolove.
"I want to get noticed and become a world famous singer and the best of them!" said Cassandra proudly.
"I'm going to be Cassandra's guitar player and I'm going to be world famous and the best in this world,too!" shouted Mickey proudly too.
"I'm going to be shaman queen and create the world into a happy place perfect for me and Ryu-san!" said Minako blushing a little.
The boys fell down anime stlye by the girls' reason to become shaman queens.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A little bit more to come but I can't think of anything right now so you have to wait.^^;
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