Poetry...REDEUX!

[AF]

So, as the other one was locked, I'm starting this...you get the idea, post your poetry, only constructive criticism, unless speccified by the poster.

In this post, I'll put up both of the poems I used to ask girls to Homecoming (which failed miserably), with a small edit in one, because I don't want people here to know where she lives...

"Would a rose by any other name
Still smell as sweet?"
These words were said by some dead guy.
I think they're kind of neat.

Though some would make fun of your name,
I would never, ever.
Because I'm not like everyone else,
I'm wouldn't rather you be named Heather.

Though this may seem corney,
And not very well thought out.
I have tried my best,
Even with all my doubt.

The doubt that resides within me,
Is whether or not you'll say 'yes'.
I do not know how you will answer,
Nor am I the best.

Now you live on [scensored],
But you used to live near me.
I wish you hadn't moved,
So I could've seen you more frequently.

Now, I come to the end.
How am I doing?
My poem is almost over.
Will you go with me to Homecoming?



Poem 2:

A lot of people say,
That "the third time is a charm."
But I will only ask you once,
Any more can cause harm.

I have a question for you,
But I will ask it later.
Please do not skip ahead,
I hope you can be a waiter.

When I use the term "waiter,"
I don't mean someone who waits tables.
I mean someone who is patient, and kind,
and does not give people labels.

I, for one, am a waiter.
So I will wait, for ever and ever
To see how you will answer,
How you will answer my endeavor.

And as for my question,
It's in the next verse.
Hold on, keep reading!
Please place this in your purse.

Here comes the question,
I don't know if you've guessed it or not.
Will you go with me to Homecoming?
Please tell me, whether or not.



Here's the one I wrote Sunday night, entitled "If hearts made a sound when they broke":

If when hearts broke,
They made a sound,
You could hear mine,
For miles around.

If your heart broke
Would you want it to sound?
So it could be heard,
for miles around.

Would you want to be comforted,
Or just the attention?
For me, I do not know,
Nor if it should have been mentioned.

I do not know,
Which one I want.
But I know one thing
One thing I want.

I want to be nearer,
To the woman I care for.
To have someone to hold,
And someone to be there for.

I do not know what I want for my life,
Nor the cards I will be dealt.
But, for just right now
I think I just want to be held



Okay, now it's your turn : D

[Lovely]

It took you awhile
But the Thread is now reborn
The fates are apeased



Seriously man, it took you while to reastart this thread. I'm not a poet myself, so ... you probably won't see me in this thread much. Carry on though, carry on.

[TakinawaTonfa]

Lurking in the wind,
Is the fatal wisp of death...
Oh damn, I farted...

....Yeah...thats all I got....

....bye now!

[yashaboy]

Here's one I wrote for school *shot* It's supposed to be from To Kill a Mockingbird *shot again* If you've read the book, try to guess who the character is (*hitnt* it is a minor character from the novel only)

Intruders

An’ all this time I thought she was sane.
All I wants is some time.
Time without them white trash
But no!
Miss Cal’s got to prance into church with white chillun
They’s her “comp’ny” she says
But you know what?
They’s just like the rest of them.
White
Nothing but colored-haters
Somebody’s got to stop her!
If she doesn’t make them leave…
I reckon I will!
And it won’t be pretty!
There can’t be no one in this church of blacks who’s against me, right?
What!?
Nothing but a troublemaker!?
I reckon all I’m doin’ is keepin’ the peace.
Any of them white trash find out their kind is here
They’ll blame it on us
They always do.
You’ll see someday.
Then you won’t be so willin’ to be kind to them
A black man can’t trust a white man without getting’ hurt
But I guess I’m the only one with enough sense to realize that.

*bricked*

[AF]

Tonfa: [4th line, in your stanza]Just like in McBeth

YB: I've always found non-rhyming poetry hard to follow, so...yeah, you lost me at the...3rd line

[Gus]

If I had a beard,
It'd be weird.

................*SHOT*

[AF]

Hardy-harhar

Okay, my poem from today, entitled "Cry":

Why does life
Throw us curve balls?
I've cried too much
In bathroom stalls.

I've spent too much time
Caring about "them"
To waste any more
And lose it again.

"Them" refers to people
At my high school
People who frusterate me
People who aren't cool.

People with weird morals
Who confuse me, greatly
More than most others
Even those who hate me.

Though I know it's only a test
I wish that he would stop
Satan is giving me my trouble
To get away, I can't just hop.

I don't know if can
Get away from him
But, maybe, someday
God will deliver me from sin

They've caused me pain,
But I don't know why.
Somehow, it just happened
They have made me cry...

[yashaboy]

cr42y4nim3fr34k said:

Tonfa: [4th line, in your stanza]Just like in McBeth

YB: I've always found non-rhyming poetry hard to follow, so...yeah, you lost me at the...3rd line

It's okay. I myself would barely call it poetry. I just can't rhyme. At the time my teacher said that we had to make a poem, but it didn't have to rhyme so I basically took full advantage of that and still ended up with crap.

[Secretofmana]

Hum, I actually found Yasha-sama's poetry really well done. The character was represented well in the poetry, whichever character it was. *has yet to see or read To Kill a MockingBird*

And....Poetry doesn't nesiccarily have to have rhyming in it..Heck, I'm the exact oppisite of AF, in the sense that I find rhyming poetry hard to read. But that's just me...*shrugeth*

And for proof that I'm not any good at poetry, here's a haiku that I wrote:

Obligations

Wind howls, Windows shake
Fireplace keeps me warm, but
have to get the mail.

Myess..>_>;;;;

[yashaboy]

Thanks SoM! ^-^ I get what AF is saying though because to me, a poem that rhymes makes me pay attention to it more. I like reading poem that rhyme aloud because it sounds nice, like AF's.
I guess my poem wasn't all that crappy if you and my teacher liked it. She wrote a nice comment on my poem when I got it back and I was suprised. I just wish I could write a poem that rhymes.
That would be my goal if I was really seroius about my poem writing. ^-^

[MetaKnight]

Hooray, the poetry thread is back! This is a poem I did for one of my creative writing classes, however due to the fact it is long like no tomorrow... this is a shortened version.

The Ballad Competition

The audience sat quietly, eagerly awaiting
The next musician to perform on stage.
The musicians were all trying to make them cry,
Hoping that their ballad would win first prize

The next one up was a 10 year old boy,
Who used only a harmonica in his piece.
A child suffereing from his kid brother's loss,
His story came from the harmonica's hums.

Following him was a 30 year old woman,
Who carried a violin and wore a smile.
From that instrument, she tole a bitter tale
Of how her husband took out her eye.

A 14 year old girl took the stage,
Who decided to use a keyboard in her show.
Her song told of a girl hated by her parents,
All while suffereing of cancer and AIDS.

Playing the trumpet was a 22 year old man,
A gentleman who was handsome and bright.
His song speaks of growing up alone and homeless,
Having only hunger and despair at his side.

The audience grew quiet, but that could he understood
If you were there, who do you think should win first prize?

*pulls out a shield in preparation for the bricks*

[I change my name everyday!]

Your poetry is a step up from the normal DA poem, but it sounds like it's trying to be too thoughtful when it really isnt. I really can't pick out any undertones from what I read..also, the beginnings of your poems seem to come off a bit rocky, to me, anyway. But, I'm not a poet, just a critic, so my opinion on this matter could be swept aside.

Cute girls oh so sweet
Like a strawberry in spring
Pedo otaku

[AF]

*Throws boomerang at Meta and YB* Those poems aren't bad, I was just lost, in YB's because I've never read or watched "To Kill A Mocking Bird." The boomerang was to KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU TWO, and that you guys aren't gonna get nricks thrown at you...mainly because of my anti-brick sheild, but hey. And no one else should think they'll get bricked...except Gus *glares at Gus, then is glared back at, and puts up anti-Gus sheild*...don't hurt me

[MetaKnight]

Ack!!!

www.bishounen.net/kenshin/gallery/kenshin09.jpg

Thanks AF, I was afraid that it didn't make much sense. I wrote it while listening to a song that had a similar atmosphere to it. Now after saying that... I need some aspirin...

*staggers out of the room, rubbing the back of her head where the boomerang hit*

[wannabeeliza]

Yes I write poerty too. I do it all !*shot* *shot**shot*

As far as I know I still have rights to it.... eheh it shares a title with one of CAF's poems...


Cry
Crying for your lost warm embrace,
Cryhing for your lost scent,
Crying here on your grave,
Crying for the lost memories,
But I cry not for knowing you
because you made me smile


and this was just something random I wrote


Promise

This is my promise,
Nothing more and nothing less,
To try my best
Because you are my friend unitl my end.

Ive only been writting poetry for a little while and Im working out the grooves on my own...