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Post by Sayoky on Apr 6, 2005 7:58:07 GMT -5
Chapter 1 Once upon a sunny day,after Ren met Horo Horo,they decided to go out,try their luck ;D.They went to a great restaurant,ate lots of Sushi and YamyGummy and stuff.... Ren started to like Horo Horo and thougt that they might actually be together but would Horo Horo agree....stay tuned for the next chapter of "love between two Shamans"  |
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Post by AnimeFanatic on Apr 6, 2005 8:28:04 GMT -5
*laughs* that's funny, but I don't like couples that aren't heterasexual (sp?) (religious {sp?} reasons), so I most likely wont touch this thread again.
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Post by Sayoky on Apr 6, 2005 9:32:15 GMT -5
Chapter 2 This is something unexpected!Ren tells Horo Horo about his thaugts but...Horo Horo isn't interested in it!Well...Ren may be disappointed,but wait!He suddently realises that his only true love is Anna.well this was going to be a problem because Horo Horo confessed that he too was in love with Anna.And another problem was that Anna liked neither of them...she liked Yoh.What will Ren and Horo Horo do?Wait for chapter 3! |
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Post by Sayoky on Apr 7, 2005 7:17:10 GMT -5
Here it is at last!Chapter 3!
Ren:"So,this means that you and me..."
HoroHoro:"Yes Ren,we have no chance of conquering Anna!I mean,Yoh is much more close to her than we are!And anyway,I don't want to fight with Yoh or any of us ever again!"
Ren:"You're as soft as ever!In love and war everything is allowed!Don't be a fool!I mean,I don't think that Yoh will get mad with us if we try to conquer Anna..."
HoroHoro:"It's not that...I really don't want to betrade Yoh,I mean,he was a god friend to all of us!"
Ren""Yeah but what if Yoh doesn't like Anna!we might loose our chance!"
HoroHoro:"You've got a point here!Let's go talk to Anna!Let's see what she thinks..."
So,Ren and HoroHoro went to Anna's house with their hopes up,not knowing that tey were to discver a big surprise there.
Stay tooned for chapter four of the story.
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Post by animeninjaNIPPON on Apr 7, 2005 11:20:08 GMT -5
ooh, interesting... first Ren likes HoroHoro, then Anna, then HoroHoro likes Anna too... I'll stay tuned.
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TheRogue
Senior Shaman
NO!! You can't make me go back there!!!
Posts: 263
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Post by TheRogue on Apr 7, 2005 11:46:45 GMT -5
I know what happens next!!! Sayoky, you souldn`t tell me about it in advance... ah, heck, you should, I won`t tell the others!!! Promise!!! I really hope you tought about the next chapters and you`ll tell me tomorrow `cuz it`s fun knowing something before others do  |
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Post by AnimeFanatic on Apr 7, 2005 13:01:57 GMT -5
You made over 20 grammatical errors in chapter 3 alone, including the missusing and misspelling of the word "betray" (if you're going to use "betray" in the past tense, just add an "ed" on the end to make "betrayed". You also used a wrong tense when you said "betrade"). But I can see around your mistakes, so it doesn't matter much to me, I'm just saying.
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TheRogue
Senior Shaman
NO!! You can't make me go back there!!!
Posts: 263
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Post by TheRogue on Apr 7, 2005 23:27:27 GMT -5
You made over 20 grammatical errors in chapter 3 alone, including the missusing and misspelling of the word "betray" (if you're going to use "betray" in the past tense, just add an "ed" on the end to make "betrayed". You also used a wrong tense when you said "betrade"). But I can see around your mistakes, so it doesn't matter much to me, I'm just saying. You`re mean! There are about 150 words in there so that practically leaves 130 words spelled correctly... *sarcasm* If you`re mean to others God might punish you ;D |
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Post by Konekone on Apr 8, 2005 5:05:40 GMT -5
I don't want to come off as rude, but perhaps you should have your chapters a little bigger than one paragraph?
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Post by Secretofmana on Apr 8, 2005 5:12:07 GMT -5
I like the paragraph chapters, because they're short and funny! I barely read any fan fics because of longness..........
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Post by AnimeFanatic on Apr 8, 2005 12:25:59 GMT -5
I agree with Secretofmana, paragraph-long "chaptors" are good, and besides, Sayoky is 14, and she goes to school during the day so she doesn't really have time make HUGE "chaptors".
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Post by Konekone on Apr 8, 2005 12:27:47 GMT -5
Ummm... I'm also 14 and go to school for most of the day, yet I find the time...
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Hana
Senior Shaman
Posts: 346
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Post by Hana on Apr 8, 2005 13:14:05 GMT -5
I agree with Secretofmana, paragraph-long "chaptors" are good, and besides, Sayoky is 14, and she goes to school during the day so she doesn't really have time make HUGE "chaptors". I'm 16, I'm a junior in high school, which unquestionably makes me much busier than a 14 year old. Yet, I still find time to make my stories longer than a paragraph most of the time AND have less than 20 errors per paragraph... seriously sayoky, don't wanna seem rude, but just tryin to lend some friendly advice here. Length of your fics is tolerable, but try to keep within the conventions of english grammar, or readin your fics can take longer than one that is grammatically correct and three times the length. |
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Post by Konekone on Apr 8, 2005 13:21:53 GMT -5
I agree with Secretofmana, paragraph-long "chaptors" are good, and besides, Sayoky is 14, and she goes to school during the day so she doesn't really have time make HUGE "chaptors". Oh, by the way, you had a go at her, for making mistakes and such, and yet you spelt "chapter" wrong, two times. |
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Post by AnimeFanatic on Apr 8, 2005 13:34:22 GMT -5
That's different, I misspelled a word (thank you for pionting that out, ), true, she miss-spelled a word, but she also: used the wrong tense, and failed to properly space her sentences (sp?) and she did not properly space her words from comas (sp?). And as you can see, I'm unsure about somethings I spelled in this, so I'm being humble (sp?) about it and asking if I did it right or not. And futher more (sp?), she mdae 20 mistakes, I made 2, thats a difference of 10 fold (did I use that phraseialogy {I KOWN I miss-spelled "phraseialogy", but I don't how I'm supposed to spell it} right?).
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